We visit ed Fran’s today. I received a whole bin of stuff for the baby. Once again, all the clothes were WAY too big. Granted, she’ll grow into the stuff, I just wonder if she’ll even get a chance to wear all the 6-9mo clothing she’s gotten lately. I swear, the only two people that listened when my mom said what size I needed for her, were Elaine and Lisa. Everybody else got the baby stuff she won’t wear for months! I don’t mean to sound ungracious or ungrateful, because I truly do appreciate it. It just seems rather silly when you think about it. Some of the stuff Fran gave me were 18mo and 24mo sizes….lol. Those will be hanging up in her closet for QUITE A WHILE!
After Fran’s, we headed back to Grammie’s and packed up what we could. We finally brought home the carseat that Joe and Elaine gave us, so now I have one to put in Joey’s car whenever it is actually clean again roflmao! Then we headed to Texas Roadhouse and ate dinner with one of mom’s old high school buddies. He is a tattoo artist, that works for himself, and seems really cool. I think Joey would get along with him too.
Not much else to say about today. Mackenzie was a bottomless pit all day and she did not like her carseat at the restaurant. She wanted to be in my lap watching the goings on in the place. Oh, and I had to change her diaper while we were there, but that is because I have learned that surprisingly enough, Huggies SUCK! More ranting on that particular subject to come later
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Carnival
I haven't had a chance to be on in a couple of days, because we are in Michigan this weekend. My mom had a high school get together to go to so we came up, spent some time with Grammie, and then went to the gathering. Turned out that the gathering was a beer tent at an annual carnival that none of us knew about. So here we are, at a carnival, with no cash, and having to find parking a couple blocks away because the only available parking close to the carnival cost $3 to use.
Believe it or not, it wasn't bad. Granted we couldn't go on any rides, but Dawn's (one of mom's old high school friends) husband was super nice and gave me and Briana some money so we could get something to eat. We were in awe that there was a big sign for deep fried oreos, and were totally going to get some, but once we got to the cart, we saw they had fried EVERYTHING! Deep fried oreos, deep fried oatmeal pies (those little debbie oatmeal sandwich cookie things), deep fried milky way, deep fried snickers, and elephant ears. We ended up deciding on a deep fried snickers bar. This thing is probably one of the BEST desserts I've ever tasted! They take a snickers bar, put it on a stick, coat it like a corn dog, but with the pastry batter for elephant ears and funnel cakes, and then deep fry it. When it comes out, they put it in a carton, drizzle chocolate sauce on it and shake powdered sugar on top. Then they stick a fork in it and hand it over. Oh my goodness, this thing was SOOO good! Not only was the chocolate from the bar melted, but the nougat had melted too, so that it was almost like a nougat custard with the caramel and chocolate and peanuts. You HAVE to eat the thing with the fork, or it would get everywhere.We also got a large cup of that carnival freshly made lemonade, in a big plastic cup that we got to keep. And I almost decided to get a bucket of chili cheese fries. I held off though, like a good girl... and had a small garden salad and cottage cheese with peaches when we got back to Grammie's.
Mom hung out with her old high school buddies, and we (Briana, the baby, and I) walked around the carnival a few times. There were a bunch of rides, two of which caught our attention especially. They were a spaceship, and a hang gliding ride. They also had a mechanical bull, and a rock climbing wall. Oh! and the best thing of all was this one attraction: GIANT HAMSTER BALLS! You know those plastic balls you buy for hamsters or guinea pigs or whatever to be able to run around the house in?? They had giant human sized ones floating on water! It looked so awesome!!!! I so wish I could have tried it out! :P
I did get to try my hand at ski-ball. I wouldn't have even spent the money, but if you scored 180 or more then you could have your choice of prize. I REALLY wanted to try to win the brian banana. If you are familiar with the show Family Guy, then you understand. The dog (brian) is in a banana costume. It's known for him dancing to "peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanutbutterjelly peanutbutterjelly, peanutbutterjellywithabaseballbat" lol. Well they had this in a stuffed version and I wanted it, but sadly, I couldn't score past 100. I am pretty confident that I would have gotten it after a max of 10 times, but that would've been $10 and I didn't want to do that and frankly I couldn't afford it.
Anyways, overall we had a good time, and now we're hanging out and probably going to bed soon and we'll be heading out to go back to Ohio in the morning.
Believe it or not, it wasn't bad. Granted we couldn't go on any rides, but Dawn's (one of mom's old high school friends) husband was super nice and gave me and Briana some money so we could get something to eat. We were in awe that there was a big sign for deep fried oreos, and were totally going to get some, but once we got to the cart, we saw they had fried EVERYTHING! Deep fried oreos, deep fried oatmeal pies (those little debbie oatmeal sandwich cookie things), deep fried milky way, deep fried snickers, and elephant ears. We ended up deciding on a deep fried snickers bar. This thing is probably one of the BEST desserts I've ever tasted! They take a snickers bar, put it on a stick, coat it like a corn dog, but with the pastry batter for elephant ears and funnel cakes, and then deep fry it. When it comes out, they put it in a carton, drizzle chocolate sauce on it and shake powdered sugar on top. Then they stick a fork in it and hand it over. Oh my goodness, this thing was SOOO good! Not only was the chocolate from the bar melted, but the nougat had melted too, so that it was almost like a nougat custard with the caramel and chocolate and peanuts. You HAVE to eat the thing with the fork, or it would get everywhere.We also got a large cup of that carnival freshly made lemonade, in a big plastic cup that we got to keep. And I almost decided to get a bucket of chili cheese fries. I held off though, like a good girl... and had a small garden salad and cottage cheese with peaches when we got back to Grammie's.
Mom hung out with her old high school buddies, and we (Briana, the baby, and I) walked around the carnival a few times. There were a bunch of rides, two of which caught our attention especially. They were a spaceship, and a hang gliding ride. They also had a mechanical bull, and a rock climbing wall. Oh! and the best thing of all was this one attraction: GIANT HAMSTER BALLS! You know those plastic balls you buy for hamsters or guinea pigs or whatever to be able to run around the house in?? They had giant human sized ones floating on water! It looked so awesome!!!! I so wish I could have tried it out! :P
I did get to try my hand at ski-ball. I wouldn't have even spent the money, but if you scored 180 or more then you could have your choice of prize. I REALLY wanted to try to win the brian banana. If you are familiar with the show Family Guy, then you understand. The dog (brian) is in a banana costume. It's known for him dancing to "peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanutbutterjelly peanutbutterjelly, peanutbutterjellywithabaseballbat" lol. Well they had this in a stuffed version and I wanted it, but sadly, I couldn't score past 100. I am pretty confident that I would have gotten it after a max of 10 times, but that would've been $10 and I didn't want to do that and frankly I couldn't afford it.
Anyways, overall we had a good time, and now we're hanging out and probably going to bed soon and we'll be heading out to go back to Ohio in the morning.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
This one just makes me think of Albert. He was my best friend for 3 years, and my boyfriend for 2 of them. We lived together, he even called my mom to tell her he had put a down payment on the ring I wanted and was going to ask me to marry him as soon as it was paid off. Then his best friend left his wife, to get with the woman he’d previously had an affair with, all the while playing his wife on the side. Next thing I know, Albert’s having an affair with this chick’s son’s friend. Albert was 26, I was 21. He ended up leaving me for an 18 year old that then turned around and told him that she was pregnant with some other dude’s kid, and that she’d known for 2 weeks, but didn’t want to tell him cuz she was afraid it would scare him off and he wouldn’t have chosen her. He then tries to test the waters as if he were thinking about taking me back, but I had already started to date Donnie (who is now the father of my child, which is an entire other story). So Albert starts to get pissed about the Donnie factor, all the while our roomies are telling him he’s got no right to be pissed, and we’re trying to be friends cuz there are very few ex’s that I have not remained at least “on good terms” acquaintances with. He then proceeds to back out every time he promises me something, whether it’s a ride, use of OUR car, or even me keeping the big room and him taking the small one, every time threatening to leave the house and leave me with a rent that I wouldn’t be able to afford if I didn’t go along with what he said. As it was, I left, went back to my Grandma’s which I didn’t want to do, and he still owed me money which I never got. A couple months later I get a call from an old roommate trying to get in contact with Albert cuz he didn’t pay his last month’s rent when he left. Just up and moved out while they were at work and left them in a bind. He also lied about me and spread rumors about Donnie. Then HE deletes and blocks ME on myspace! And tries to tell me that I brought all this on MYSELF for the way I treated him after we broke up! And had the nerve to tell me the day I moved out that I was giving up on us being friends. He wasn’t exactly acting like much of a friend. I can’t believe that the one relationship that I did EVERYTHING right in went so horribly wrong. I don’t understand how the Albert Luna I used to know died and the one that lives and breathes now exists… It will forever boggle my mind
And this one I posted on Tumblr a couple nights before I got the call about the visit, I believe...
So I started to feel sad sometime after Joey and I hung up. And it started to gradually get worse. The thing is, when I’m with Joey, I am content, and I don’t think about Donnie or the heartbreak I’ve endured. But it seems the longer I am away from him, the more I start to think about Donnie and the more I hurt again. When I first started dating Joey, I chalked it up to the fact that it hadn’t been all that long since Donnie and I broke up, plus I was pregnant, so there’s the hormones as well. And as time has gone by, it takes a longer and longer set of time away from Joey before it happens again, but it seems 3-4 days is about my limit at the moment. I’m sure eventually this will extend enough that I will finally be over Donnie 100%, but I haven’t quite reached it.
You see, Donnie was the love of my life. I started dating him after the drama with Albert, and he was wonderful. We had a ton of stuff in common, plus he was sweet and spontaneous. And even though I wanted to take things slow, he was so persistent that I couldn’t help but to be won over. I have never loved anyone so much, or been so happy in my life, as I was with Donnie. Sure, we did have our issues, but it mostly stemmed around his parents. His father tried to control everyone’s life around him, and that went doubly for his oldest son. And of course, he could never stand up to his parents to defend me unless it was an argument he was having with them too. Basically, his parents’ opinion was this: if they were in an argument with him, then he was wrong and they were right, but if he were in an argument with me then I was wrong and he was right. The underlying theme being he was always right unless it was in conflict with them. But even through that, I fully believed he wanted to be with me. He proposed, we planned a wedding…and one month before, he finally tells me, through several drunken weekends and many sober next-morning talks, that he is GAY! This broke my heart completely. As it was, it took some time to accept that. It was a month before the wedding that we decided to break it off, but I’d been dealing with him saying it while he was drunk and denying it while he was sober for about a month before that. And to be pregnant when I found that out probably didn’t help matters much. He felt SOOO guilty and we both cried our eyes out the day I left and for days after. He used to call me everyday. We were best friends and I was the only one there to help him against his father who refused to have a gay son.
With me gone and his father giving him a hard time…he tried to date a guy, but he was too heartbroken and then his father wouldn’t ease up, causing home to be like WWIII for him, and the next thing ya know, he’s dating some chick again, and spontaneously marries her…which by the way, broke my heart all over again. You see, when OUR wedding date had come along, I was a depressed wreck. All I wanted to do was get drunk so I could stop feeling for awhile…but I couldn’t. Being pregnant kinda stopped me from doing that. Hell, I even would’ve been happy to pick up smoking pot if I could have, just so I could feel good instead of dead inside. Again, being prego kinda puts a damper on such activities. So by the time he got married, I had finally begun to heal, and I was only crying occasionally, but usually I was fine. Then this marriage thing came about, which he then subsequently LIED to me about. And kept up that lie for a good month. This broke my heart all over again. It was like I was screaming inside. If he could make it work with a woman, then why not me????
I can’t believe how much he crushed me inside. And every time I think I might be okay again, I’m not. I’ll never be quite the romantic I was. All the silly dreams of my knight in shining armor were dashed forever and left my life right along with Donnie. Hell, I still have my wedding dress, cuz I still haven’t been strong enough to take it out to take pictures so I can sell it on Ebay or something.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Joey, and I’m glad that he’s taken up the role of Daddy for Mackenzie. I’m content with him and I forget all about Donnie when I am with him. But when he’s not around, it’s like that protection mojo goes right along with him, and I’m left with the pieces of my shattered heart. I’m okay most of the time, but somewhere inside, in this little locked room in the back of my head, I’m still broken.
You see, Donnie was the love of my life. I started dating him after the drama with Albert, and he was wonderful. We had a ton of stuff in common, plus he was sweet and spontaneous. And even though I wanted to take things slow, he was so persistent that I couldn’t help but to be won over. I have never loved anyone so much, or been so happy in my life, as I was with Donnie. Sure, we did have our issues, but it mostly stemmed around his parents. His father tried to control everyone’s life around him, and that went doubly for his oldest son. And of course, he could never stand up to his parents to defend me unless it was an argument he was having with them too. Basically, his parents’ opinion was this: if they were in an argument with him, then he was wrong and they were right, but if he were in an argument with me then I was wrong and he was right. The underlying theme being he was always right unless it was in conflict with them. But even through that, I fully believed he wanted to be with me. He proposed, we planned a wedding…and one month before, he finally tells me, through several drunken weekends and many sober next-morning talks, that he is GAY! This broke my heart completely. As it was, it took some time to accept that. It was a month before the wedding that we decided to break it off, but I’d been dealing with him saying it while he was drunk and denying it while he was sober for about a month before that. And to be pregnant when I found that out probably didn’t help matters much. He felt SOOO guilty and we both cried our eyes out the day I left and for days after. He used to call me everyday. We were best friends and I was the only one there to help him against his father who refused to have a gay son.
With me gone and his father giving him a hard time…he tried to date a guy, but he was too heartbroken and then his father wouldn’t ease up, causing home to be like WWIII for him, and the next thing ya know, he’s dating some chick again, and spontaneously marries her…which by the way, broke my heart all over again. You see, when OUR wedding date had come along, I was a depressed wreck. All I wanted to do was get drunk so I could stop feeling for awhile…but I couldn’t. Being pregnant kinda stopped me from doing that. Hell, I even would’ve been happy to pick up smoking pot if I could have, just so I could feel good instead of dead inside. Again, being prego kinda puts a damper on such activities. So by the time he got married, I had finally begun to heal, and I was only crying occasionally, but usually I was fine. Then this marriage thing came about, which he then subsequently LIED to me about. And kept up that lie for a good month. This broke my heart all over again. It was like I was screaming inside. If he could make it work with a woman, then why not me????
I can’t believe how much he crushed me inside. And every time I think I might be okay again, I’m not. I’ll never be quite the romantic I was. All the silly dreams of my knight in shining armor were dashed forever and left my life right along with Donnie. Hell, I still have my wedding dress, cuz I still haven’t been strong enough to take it out to take pictures so I can sell it on Ebay or something.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Joey, and I’m glad that he’s taken up the role of Daddy for Mackenzie. I’m content with him and I forget all about Donnie when I am with him. But when he’s not around, it’s like that protection mojo goes right along with him, and I’m left with the pieces of my shattered heart. I’m okay most of the time, but somewhere inside, in this little locked room in the back of my head, I’m still broken.
first visit part 2
From the night they left or the day after, can't quite remember...
"Okay, so we had the first visit this weekend. Donnie, his wife Christen (ick!), his mother (Mama Dukes), and his nephews (Adrian and William) came up to see Mackenzie. Adrian had a grand old time playing with the rocking horse, the computer, watching movies, and playing soccer outside. William was a little fussy, but he’s the baby of their family, so it was kind of to be expected.
They got into town around 7:30pm (they didn’t leave until 10:00am from North Carolina) and came over around 8:30 or 9:00 Saturday evening. They brought over a ton of stuff for Mackenzie. There were socks and clothes from new 0-3 months clothes to hand me down 4T clothes, even a couple halloween costumes (of the ladybug and pumpkin variety). Also, a pack of LUVS diapers. I use Pampers, but I’m all for trying out the different brands. On Sunday they showed up with a new big bag of refills for the diaper wipes and another bag of diapers, but this time Huggies. So I can now get a feel for all 3 brands and decide what I like best. So far, I’ll use the LUVS they brought, but I think they feel kinda cheap, like really plasticky feeling.
Back to Saturday….
So they came over and visited for a couple of hours. Everything was fine I guess. I spent the majority of the time going through the things they gave me for her and putting them away. They held her, fed her, Donnie even changed her (although he can’t seem to figure out which side of the diaper is the front and which side is the back). Apparently this was a first for him, to change a diaper lol :P. Christen didn’t say anything to me at all, which is probably a good thing. I dunno if Donnie told her to keep her mouth shut so she didn’t say something to piss me off, or if she was just trying to prove to me that she wasn’t trying to be Mackenzie’s mom, or what. Either way, I was just peachy keen not having anything to do with her. The only time I even spoke to her was to have her take William from me so that I could show Donnie where my room was so we could go through all the stuff. If Mama Dukes hadn’t have been holding Mackenzie, I would’ve asked her instead. Hell, Christen didn’t even hardly look at me the whole night. But like I said, this was just fine by me. I don’t have any reason to try and like her and a million reasons not to. Adrian split his forehead open, due to losing his balance after spinning himself around a whole lot in the living room. Spin, fall, thunk, cry. Mom rushed upstairs with him to show them, and Donnie took him into our bathroom and fixed him up. The poor lil’ guy knocked it real good on the edge of a side table down there. He was fussy for awhile but got over it pretty quickly. They left around 10:15pm, and went back to the motel. Apparently Adrian didn’t understand the concept of a motel (this being his first time) and was asking them why they were staying there so long. :P
Sunday (yesterday) they came back over. They checked out of the motel at checkout time and went to the store, bought those Huggies and diaper wipes, and then came right over. I had Mackenzie in her new Ohio State Football t-shirt and a pair of pink pants (I didn’t have any color that better matched the red shirt) partly because I knew it would annoy the Carolina tarheel/panther fans, and partly cuz Joey had come over and he’s a huge Buckeye fan and had just bought her the shirt a couple days before. They were taking tons of pictures, both Saturday and Sunday. Christen tried to be a little more friendly/outgoing. I was nice but not too nice. I couldn’t quite make it clear that I knew what kind of person she was, cuz I’m not supposed to know, and I promised I wouldn’t let them know what I knew from my source or how I knew it. However, when I brought up the fact that I was sorry his sister-in-law couldn’t come and that she was hoping to come next time, Christen wouldn’t look at anyone and had NOTHING to say, even when Mama Dukes was talking about how Wes and Liz (Donnie’s brother and his sister-in-law) were going at it constantly and that the “crazy asian” fits (Liz when her temper flares) hadn’t stopped in 3 months, which is weird…. OF COURSE she didn’t want to look at anyone or say anything! Even Donnie kept quiet during that part, which is really weird, he usually has something to say about Liz being “crazy asian”. I don’t know how I’d get over my husband sleeping with my brother-in-law’s wife for 3 months either!!! Of course they’re still fighting! Wes is damn lucky Liz didn’t leave his ass and take William with her! She even ended up quitting her job, I found out. That’s what happens when you are depressed and feel like you have to keep an eye on your husband.
Anyways, everything went fine. I pulled Donnie aside and talked to him about July, when we’ll be down there, and he gets to have her overnight. I told him it was really important that there wasn’t any drugs (not even pot) around her, because if they were to get caught, even due to a rare occasion of someone getting pissed at him or christen and want to get them in trouble…then not only would they take Mackenzie away from HIM, but they might not give her back to ME either because of my having previous knowledge of his habits. I also told him that Christen had written about rollin’ on Aycock St on her myspace, and he insisted that they had not rolled at that house. So he said he would talk to her, but I dunno if I can trust him on that one because he had also said he wasn’t married when her myspace said they were… Anyways, he assured me that it was already planned that any time Mackenzie is in North Carolina, she’ll be staying with Mama Dukes and Pappy. And he told me that Mama Dukes had already eliminated all drug use and even cigarette smoking from the house. Everyone, including Pappy (THAT made me laugh) had to go outside to do ANYTHING! Apparently Pappy only agreed to it after rearranging the living room so that he can watch TV from the front door on the porch. I would have loved to be there for that conversation! Pappy never would have gone for anything like that when I would ask, so why Mama Dukes?? Probably because she cooks and cleans and he doesn’t know how! roflmao :P That man can’t survive without his wife. I know, I’ve seen it.
Donnie also wanted to ask for extended visitation. He said he wanted her for more than 2 days at a time. I replied, “baby steps”. I told him that we’ll start off with a few couple day visits, and that I need to trust him before he can have her for extended amounts of time. The fact is, he has to stop lying to me before I’ll be okay with him having her for any length of time. He says he doesn’t want to fight about it and put her through a court thing, and neither do I. But I need to trust that he’s not going to have drugs around and that he’s going to give her back when he’s supposed to. Other than that, he wanted to let me know that any time that I need something, other than the regular child support, that he will send it. If I need something for her all I have to do is tell him and his mama and they’ll get me money to get it. So, we should be good on that front.
After that, they visited a while longer, and eventually left. I’m pretty proud of myself. I managed to gather enough strength that even when he hugged me, I felt nothing. I even fooled myself into believing that I was 100% over him. The only time I felt anything at all, was this one time when he caught me watching him with Mackenzie and he grinned this happy grin that I haven’t seen in a long time, not even in his honeymoon pictures with Christen. The little happy grin that has always made my heart melt. But, I didn’t cry, not even a little. He was here, I was fine (although the hours leading up to it, I was a nervous wreck). He left, I was fine. We went to the grocery store, I was fine. We ate dinner, I was fine. I went to bed, I was fine. I woke up, I was fine. A couple hours later….not so fine. I could feel the wall I had put up for the weekend tear itself down and it was like it left me more vulnerable than I was before. I cried. I hadn’t seen him in so long, that his face was almost a distant memory. But now he’s been here, and I close my eyes and see him clearly. That’s hard. He’s still the guy that was the love of my life. I just see him for who he is a little better than I did before. And I no longer trust him completely and unconditionally like I did before. But I still had a good long cry while Mackenzie was taking her morning nap. I love him. I always will, but there comes a time when you have to give up on the fairy tales and accept reality for the way it is.
His mama did call me after they left while I was at the store though. She had talked to his grandparents (Mackenzie’s great-grandparents) and they are all pitching in and getting me the rest of the money for the forever crib I want. I have half of it already saved, but there’s still $300 left to pay on it, so they are going to give it to me. YAY! It was a nice way to end the visit. Now we have July to look forward to…. They did offer for us to attend the Clayton 4th, which we probably will, and then head up to Martinsville for the Minter (my dad’s mother’s side) 4th, seeing as one is in the afternoon and one is in the evening. Anyways, that’s it for now I guess…I have a doctor appointment today to get more asthma medication, and I’m waiting on the call from Target. If I don’t hear anything by noon, I’LL call THEM."
"Okay, so we had the first visit this weekend. Donnie, his wife Christen (ick!), his mother (Mama Dukes), and his nephews (Adrian and William) came up to see Mackenzie. Adrian had a grand old time playing with the rocking horse, the computer, watching movies, and playing soccer outside. William was a little fussy, but he’s the baby of their family, so it was kind of to be expected.
They got into town around 7:30pm (they didn’t leave until 10:00am from North Carolina) and came over around 8:30 or 9:00 Saturday evening. They brought over a ton of stuff for Mackenzie. There were socks and clothes from new 0-3 months clothes to hand me down 4T clothes, even a couple halloween costumes (of the ladybug and pumpkin variety). Also, a pack of LUVS diapers. I use Pampers, but I’m all for trying out the different brands. On Sunday they showed up with a new big bag of refills for the diaper wipes and another bag of diapers, but this time Huggies. So I can now get a feel for all 3 brands and decide what I like best. So far, I’ll use the LUVS they brought, but I think they feel kinda cheap, like really plasticky feeling.
Back to Saturday….
So they came over and visited for a couple of hours. Everything was fine I guess. I spent the majority of the time going through the things they gave me for her and putting them away. They held her, fed her, Donnie even changed her (although he can’t seem to figure out which side of the diaper is the front and which side is the back). Apparently this was a first for him, to change a diaper lol :P. Christen didn’t say anything to me at all, which is probably a good thing. I dunno if Donnie told her to keep her mouth shut so she didn’t say something to piss me off, or if she was just trying to prove to me that she wasn’t trying to be Mackenzie’s mom, or what. Either way, I was just peachy keen not having anything to do with her. The only time I even spoke to her was to have her take William from me so that I could show Donnie where my room was so we could go through all the stuff. If Mama Dukes hadn’t have been holding Mackenzie, I would’ve asked her instead. Hell, Christen didn’t even hardly look at me the whole night. But like I said, this was just fine by me. I don’t have any reason to try and like her and a million reasons not to. Adrian split his forehead open, due to losing his balance after spinning himself around a whole lot in the living room. Spin, fall, thunk, cry. Mom rushed upstairs with him to show them, and Donnie took him into our bathroom and fixed him up. The poor lil’ guy knocked it real good on the edge of a side table down there. He was fussy for awhile but got over it pretty quickly. They left around 10:15pm, and went back to the motel. Apparently Adrian didn’t understand the concept of a motel (this being his first time) and was asking them why they were staying there so long. :P
Sunday (yesterday) they came back over. They checked out of the motel at checkout time and went to the store, bought those Huggies and diaper wipes, and then came right over. I had Mackenzie in her new Ohio State Football t-shirt and a pair of pink pants (I didn’t have any color that better matched the red shirt) partly because I knew it would annoy the Carolina tarheel/panther fans, and partly cuz Joey had come over and he’s a huge Buckeye fan and had just bought her the shirt a couple days before. They were taking tons of pictures, both Saturday and Sunday. Christen tried to be a little more friendly/outgoing. I was nice but not too nice. I couldn’t quite make it clear that I knew what kind of person she was, cuz I’m not supposed to know, and I promised I wouldn’t let them know what I knew from my source or how I knew it. However, when I brought up the fact that I was sorry his sister-in-law couldn’t come and that she was hoping to come next time, Christen wouldn’t look at anyone and had NOTHING to say, even when Mama Dukes was talking about how Wes and Liz (Donnie’s brother and his sister-in-law) were going at it constantly and that the “crazy asian” fits (Liz when her temper flares) hadn’t stopped in 3 months, which is weird…. OF COURSE she didn’t want to look at anyone or say anything! Even Donnie kept quiet during that part, which is really weird, he usually has something to say about Liz being “crazy asian”. I don’t know how I’d get over my husband sleeping with my brother-in-law’s wife for 3 months either!!! Of course they’re still fighting! Wes is damn lucky Liz didn’t leave his ass and take William with her! She even ended up quitting her job, I found out. That’s what happens when you are depressed and feel like you have to keep an eye on your husband.
Anyways, everything went fine. I pulled Donnie aside and talked to him about July, when we’ll be down there, and he gets to have her overnight. I told him it was really important that there wasn’t any drugs (not even pot) around her, because if they were to get caught, even due to a rare occasion of someone getting pissed at him or christen and want to get them in trouble…then not only would they take Mackenzie away from HIM, but they might not give her back to ME either because of my having previous knowledge of his habits. I also told him that Christen had written about rollin’ on Aycock St on her myspace, and he insisted that they had not rolled at that house. So he said he would talk to her, but I dunno if I can trust him on that one because he had also said he wasn’t married when her myspace said they were… Anyways, he assured me that it was already planned that any time Mackenzie is in North Carolina, she’ll be staying with Mama Dukes and Pappy. And he told me that Mama Dukes had already eliminated all drug use and even cigarette smoking from the house. Everyone, including Pappy (THAT made me laugh) had to go outside to do ANYTHING! Apparently Pappy only agreed to it after rearranging the living room so that he can watch TV from the front door on the porch. I would have loved to be there for that conversation! Pappy never would have gone for anything like that when I would ask, so why Mama Dukes?? Probably because she cooks and cleans and he doesn’t know how! roflmao :P That man can’t survive without his wife. I know, I’ve seen it.
Donnie also wanted to ask for extended visitation. He said he wanted her for more than 2 days at a time. I replied, “baby steps”. I told him that we’ll start off with a few couple day visits, and that I need to trust him before he can have her for extended amounts of time. The fact is, he has to stop lying to me before I’ll be okay with him having her for any length of time. He says he doesn’t want to fight about it and put her through a court thing, and neither do I. But I need to trust that he’s not going to have drugs around and that he’s going to give her back when he’s supposed to. Other than that, he wanted to let me know that any time that I need something, other than the regular child support, that he will send it. If I need something for her all I have to do is tell him and his mama and they’ll get me money to get it. So, we should be good on that front.
After that, they visited a while longer, and eventually left. I’m pretty proud of myself. I managed to gather enough strength that even when he hugged me, I felt nothing. I even fooled myself into believing that I was 100% over him. The only time I felt anything at all, was this one time when he caught me watching him with Mackenzie and he grinned this happy grin that I haven’t seen in a long time, not even in his honeymoon pictures with Christen. The little happy grin that has always made my heart melt. But, I didn’t cry, not even a little. He was here, I was fine (although the hours leading up to it, I was a nervous wreck). He left, I was fine. We went to the grocery store, I was fine. We ate dinner, I was fine. I went to bed, I was fine. I woke up, I was fine. A couple hours later….not so fine. I could feel the wall I had put up for the weekend tear itself down and it was like it left me more vulnerable than I was before. I cried. I hadn’t seen him in so long, that his face was almost a distant memory. But now he’s been here, and I close my eyes and see him clearly. That’s hard. He’s still the guy that was the love of my life. I just see him for who he is a little better than I did before. And I no longer trust him completely and unconditionally like I did before. But I still had a good long cry while Mackenzie was taking her morning nap. I love him. I always will, but there comes a time when you have to give up on the fairy tales and accept reality for the way it is.
His mama did call me after they left while I was at the store though. She had talked to his grandparents (Mackenzie’s great-grandparents) and they are all pitching in and getting me the rest of the money for the forever crib I want. I have half of it already saved, but there’s still $300 left to pay on it, so they are going to give it to me. YAY! It was a nice way to end the visit. Now we have July to look forward to…. They did offer for us to attend the Clayton 4th, which we probably will, and then head up to Martinsville for the Minter (my dad’s mother’s side) 4th, seeing as one is in the afternoon and one is in the evening. Anyways, that’s it for now I guess…I have a doctor appointment today to get more asthma medication, and I’m waiting on the call from Target. If I don’t hear anything by noon, I’LL call THEM."
the first visit
This was from a week or so ago, but I think it's good background, especially for any posts about this particular group of people in the future...
"I got a call from Mama Dukes yesterday. (That’s Donnie’s mom, Mackenzie’s paternal Grandma) *I think that’s the right term for that side’s relation to her…*
They are coming up this weekend, which doesn’t give me much time to clean and prepare. I kinda always knew it would be relatively last minute when they let me know, but this whole time I thought it would be just Donnie and his mom…especially cuz I have it on good authority that there are issues between him and his wife…a woman that I don’t very much like although I’ve never met her.
I’ve done my research and found that she is not the woman Donnie led me to believe she was. “A good girl” One that doesn’t smoke, hardly drinks, doesn’t do drugs….when in fact, she herself wrote a comment to one of her friends on her own status that she was rollin’ one night. For those of you that don’t know, ROLLIN’ is a slang term used when talking about doing ecstasy. I learned this while I was with Donnie, because he and his family used to be into drugs when he was younger. I heard stories about “rollin’ parties” and whatnot. (apparently this chick isn’t too bright, cuz I’m on her friends list.) Any smart person would know not to incriminate yourself on a public site, especially not when the mother of your husband’s child is a friend on that site. But then again, if you pursue a guy after finding out that he’s gay and insist that you will change him, you can’t be too bright to begin with. Donnie is a pushover, so of course with his dad giving him hell about his sexuality and a hot girl that he gets along with really well pursuing him, OF COURSE he went for it! Hell, that’s pretty much how he and I got together in the first place! Except I didn’t know that he was gay! Anyways, this is not meant to be a rant about MY failed relationship, so moving back to HER. On top of this, this chick is a total slut. She wears slutty clothes all the time, and sleeps around. Hell, the night Donnie first got with her, she was messing around with some other chick, and then she sleeps around with guys too. I’m not all that surprised that she would have SOMEONE on the side, what with her husband being GAY and all, but she’s lying to him about it, until she gets caught. I could understand if they had an arrangement because of the whole gay issue, but to just go do it and lie is not right.There is more to that issue I’m sure, what with how nobody wants to tell me about it…and I guess technically it’s not any of my business…but you better believe that I don’t feel comfortable with that woman being around my child without supervision. SO….with all that said…moving on…
Mama Dukes, Donnie, HIS WIFE, and then Mackenzie’s cousins Will and Adrian (a baby and a youngin’) will be coming up to visit for the weekend. Thank GOD they are not staying with us. I keep my composure most of the time, but to have the two of them in front of me for the first time AND having to deal with them sleeping in my house?? NO! That would have been just too much!
So, now I have to get AT LEAST the upstairs perfectly clean. And at least try to get the downstairs presentable. There is just a lot of stuff that needs to be dealt with around here, and Mom just hasn’t had the time nor resources. After this summer, everything will be fine, cuz we’ll have a yard sale after Mom finishes going through everything. But, in the meantime, I’m going to need for our small place to be big enough for everyone to be in to visit.
On the bright side, they are bringing stuff up for the baby….clothes, and whatnot. So that’ll be good. I still wonder what her reaction to Donnie will be though. As far as she knows, Joey is Daddy. He sees her all the time, he buys stuff, he goes by Daddy. Hell! He cut the cord, so it’s kinda his right. He didn’t have to be here, but he is. HE stuck by my side through the whole labor. HE took paternity leave to stay with me and the baby the first week. Donnie didn’t do that, even though we offered to take him back home, or get a flight for him to go back if he wanted to. Donnie wouldn’t even cut the cord, although the doctor offered it to him first. So now, Donnie will be in her face saying the word “Daddy” and she’s going to be looking for HER daddy Joey. She won’t know the man in front of her is her FATHER. But Father sounds so old fashioned and well…just OLD, to call him. Maybe just Dad…? I dunno. Joey and I decided that we’ll let her decide and when she’s old enough, if she asks why there are two dads, we’ll explain it. And we’ll explain why it’s okay to call both dads what she feels comfortable with and why it’s okay that she calls her step mom by HER actual name and not mommy when she has two daddy’s. After all, one of her dad’s is her actual dad and the other is the one that takes care of her, while one of her “mom”s is both her actual mom AND the one that takes care of her and the other is ONLY her step mom and has absolutely no important role in her life. I may not word it quite like that, but that’s the way I feel about it.
So now you have a little background into what’s going on at the moment. We’ll see how it goes, I’ll be sure to keep people posted on the situation."
"I got a call from Mama Dukes yesterday. (That’s Donnie’s mom, Mackenzie’s paternal Grandma) *I think that’s the right term for that side’s relation to her…*
They are coming up this weekend, which doesn’t give me much time to clean and prepare. I kinda always knew it would be relatively last minute when they let me know, but this whole time I thought it would be just Donnie and his mom…especially cuz I have it on good authority that there are issues between him and his wife…a woman that I don’t very much like although I’ve never met her.
I’ve done my research and found that she is not the woman Donnie led me to believe she was. “A good girl” One that doesn’t smoke, hardly drinks, doesn’t do drugs….when in fact, she herself wrote a comment to one of her friends on her own status that she was rollin’ one night. For those of you that don’t know, ROLLIN’ is a slang term used when talking about doing ecstasy. I learned this while I was with Donnie, because he and his family used to be into drugs when he was younger. I heard stories about “rollin’ parties” and whatnot. (apparently this chick isn’t too bright, cuz I’m on her friends list.) Any smart person would know not to incriminate yourself on a public site, especially not when the mother of your husband’s child is a friend on that site. But then again, if you pursue a guy after finding out that he’s gay and insist that you will change him, you can’t be too bright to begin with. Donnie is a pushover, so of course with his dad giving him hell about his sexuality and a hot girl that he gets along with really well pursuing him, OF COURSE he went for it! Hell, that’s pretty much how he and I got together in the first place! Except I didn’t know that he was gay! Anyways, this is not meant to be a rant about MY failed relationship, so moving back to HER. On top of this, this chick is a total slut. She wears slutty clothes all the time, and sleeps around. Hell, the night Donnie first got with her, she was messing around with some other chick, and then she sleeps around with guys too. I’m not all that surprised that she would have SOMEONE on the side, what with her husband being GAY and all, but she’s lying to him about it, until she gets caught. I could understand if they had an arrangement because of the whole gay issue, but to just go do it and lie is not right.There is more to that issue I’m sure, what with how nobody wants to tell me about it…and I guess technically it’s not any of my business…but you better believe that I don’t feel comfortable with that woman being around my child without supervision. SO….with all that said…moving on…
Mama Dukes, Donnie, HIS WIFE, and then Mackenzie’s cousins Will and Adrian (a baby and a youngin’) will be coming up to visit for the weekend. Thank GOD they are not staying with us. I keep my composure most of the time, but to have the two of them in front of me for the first time AND having to deal with them sleeping in my house?? NO! That would have been just too much!
So, now I have to get AT LEAST the upstairs perfectly clean. And at least try to get the downstairs presentable. There is just a lot of stuff that needs to be dealt with around here, and Mom just hasn’t had the time nor resources. After this summer, everything will be fine, cuz we’ll have a yard sale after Mom finishes going through everything. But, in the meantime, I’m going to need for our small place to be big enough for everyone to be in to visit.
On the bright side, they are bringing stuff up for the baby….clothes, and whatnot. So that’ll be good. I still wonder what her reaction to Donnie will be though. As far as she knows, Joey is Daddy. He sees her all the time, he buys stuff, he goes by Daddy. Hell! He cut the cord, so it’s kinda his right. He didn’t have to be here, but he is. HE stuck by my side through the whole labor. HE took paternity leave to stay with me and the baby the first week. Donnie didn’t do that, even though we offered to take him back home, or get a flight for him to go back if he wanted to. Donnie wouldn’t even cut the cord, although the doctor offered it to him first. So now, Donnie will be in her face saying the word “Daddy” and she’s going to be looking for HER daddy Joey. She won’t know the man in front of her is her FATHER. But Father sounds so old fashioned and well…just OLD, to call him. Maybe just Dad…? I dunno. Joey and I decided that we’ll let her decide and when she’s old enough, if she asks why there are two dads, we’ll explain it. And we’ll explain why it’s okay to call both dads what she feels comfortable with and why it’s okay that she calls her step mom by HER actual name and not mommy when she has two daddy’s. After all, one of her dad’s is her actual dad and the other is the one that takes care of her, while one of her “mom”s is both her actual mom AND the one that takes care of her and the other is ONLY her step mom and has absolutely no important role in her life. I may not word it quite like that, but that’s the way I feel about it.
So now you have a little background into what’s going on at the moment. We’ll see how it goes, I’ll be sure to keep people posted on the situation."
new games
I saw the trailers last night for a couple new games: the next Crysis game and I think the other one was Brink…I was really tired at the time, so I’ll be checking them out again next time I’m over at Joey’s but I think we could have a winner in there somewhere lol.
Also, heard they’re making a sequel to portal. well…I read it in game informer but still… lol. considering the game wasn’t even a full length game, and sort of filler for the orange box, that’s freaking awesome! Joey got the robot as the voice for his gps. It tells you that at the end of your route there will be grief counseling and cake…also tells you that you fail at driving and to turn left when there is no left roflmao :P and finally, it tells you to assume the position and wait for them to come get you when you arrive.
Still wish I had gotten to play Bioshock 2…so getting that as soon as I get a job and car first roflmao. Also looking forward to the next Fallout, seeing as Fallout 3 is one of the most amazing games I have ever played.
Also, heard they’re making a sequel to portal. well…I read it in game informer but still… lol. considering the game wasn’t even a full length game, and sort of filler for the orange box, that’s freaking awesome! Joey got the robot as the voice for his gps. It tells you that at the end of your route there will be grief counseling and cake…also tells you that you fail at driving and to turn left when there is no left roflmao :P and finally, it tells you to assume the position and wait for them to come get you when you arrive.
Still wish I had gotten to play Bioshock 2…so getting that as soon as I get a job and car first roflmao. Also looking forward to the next Fallout, seeing as Fallout 3 is one of the most amazing games I have ever played.
Cookies
I got bored this evening. When I get bored, I do one of a couple of things, one of which is bake. I knew that I had a TON of peanut butter from all the damn peanut butter WIC gives me every month (God only knows how they expect one person to eat that much peanut butter in one month, but whatever) So anyways, I decided to make peanut butter cookies. I found a simple recipe, one egg one cup sugar one cup peanut butter, doubled it (so as to get rid of a whole container of peanut butter, and then proceeded with the making and baking. However, our oven is not in working order, therefore the only cooking appliance I had to work with (at least for baking) was the toaster oven. I always thought that cooking in the toaster oven meant cooking for less time seeing as it’s a smaller space…but the first batch came out too gooey, so I put it back in for the remainder of the recommended time on the recipe. Still, too gooey, but I managed to get 4 decent cookies out of it. The other two were a crumbled pile of cookie pieces. The second batch was burnt, because when I got up to take them out, the baby decided she just had to have a bottle right then. By the time I had it made and handed it over to my mom to feed her, the cookies were pretty much burnt. That batch had 2 decent cookies in it, and the rest, a crumbled mess in the container now holding all the cookies/crumbs. Finally I figured it out for the most part, but found that it was made easiest if I alternated between two pans for the toaster oven. This way, one batch was cooling while the next was beginning to cook. After a minute or two, I would move the cooling batch to the container, and wait for the next batch to be done. I had much better results with this. Either way the cookies are quite good, and very simple to make.
Sherlock
I saw the movie Sherlock Holmes today. I received it in the mail from Netflix. It’s definitely one of those movies you have to pay attention to. I’ll admit, I did for the first quarter to half of the movie, but as I was preparing and baking peanut butter cookies at the time and then my mom and sister came back and tended to talk through part of it, I was (to say the least) distracted. I will probably attempt to watch this movie again, especially as I happen to know that a friend of mine has a digital copy on his flash drive. However, I don’t have the highest hopes for it. What I did get of it, I found would move rather slowly and/or haphazardly, sort of at random, and would find a way to connect itself, but I expected quite a bit more from it after having seen the previews. I found myself disappointed, but am willing to put myself through it again to see if my opinion were to change based of the extent of my attention to detail. I am a huge movie watcher, I quote stuff all the time and used to own over 500 DVDs when I was with Albert. I will update my opinion on this if it changes the next time I watch it. Next, Alice, from the scyfy channel
Supernatural
One of my favorite shows is Supernatural. Unfortunately, I always have to forgo it during the airing season because Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice are on the same day/time frame. Being in a house of girls, the girly show takes precedence. Anyways, I didn’t know when it was coming back on this last year, and I had to wait for the DVD to come out for season 4 so that I could catch up, mainly because of everything that was going on with me and Albert and my moving around at that point last year… Anyways, the point is, it took me some doing, but I finally found the WHOLE season (not just the most recent episode) to watch online so I don’t have to wait for the DVD again. It isn’t the best quality pixel-wise, but it isn’t half bad. And it's right here on blogspot.
So far, I’m loving the show. Cas is getting funnier, especially the future episode, friggin’ hippie roflmao :P I called Bobby the demonic dispatcher after he got stuck in a wheel chair, and the humor in all the episodes so far has really gotten bumped up. Totally awesome, considering last season with all the angel stuff just starting and Dean coming back from hell and all, that had kinda gone down a few pegs. I’m only at episode 5 so far, but I’m loving every bit of it. Most likely, more review (and maybe more detailed…depends…) to come later.
So far, I’m loving the show. Cas is getting funnier, especially the future episode, friggin’ hippie roflmao :P I called Bobby the demonic dispatcher after he got stuck in a wheel chair, and the humor in all the episodes so far has really gotten bumped up. Totally awesome, considering last season with all the angel stuff just starting and Dean coming back from hell and all, that had kinda gone down a few pegs. I’m only at episode 5 so far, but I’m loving every bit of it. Most likely, more review (and maybe more detailed…depends…) to come later.
Wow, totally didn't remember that I had a blog already on here. I had started a new one called Just Me, that I have since deleted upon realizing I have another. For the record, I used to change everybody's names in this blog because I wanted to be able to vent without people getting pissed off at me in the process. Since then, a lot has happened, and I don't quite feel that way anymore. Now I'm blunt, honest, straight forward, to the point....okay well that last one may not be quite true...I do tend to go off on tangents a bit. Anyways, I also have a blog on Tumblr, called Just Me, at darkfaeriecorpse.tumblr.com
You can catch up there, if you want. After tonight, everything will pretty much be the same on both, although there may be times I write on one and not the other, for pure time reasons. For example...my fiance will be here in about an hour, and it's been REALLY hot lately. I don't want to look and smell the way I do now when he gets here, so I'll be getting off here soon. But I will be reposting stuff from my other blog on here....especially cuz one of them is about a show that I actually found available for free streaming on this particular blog site...the whole reason I went to join today and found I had another one.
Oh, and Ramon's real name was Albert. If you see any posts regarding Albert, that's who it was.
You can catch up there, if you want. After tonight, everything will pretty much be the same on both, although there may be times I write on one and not the other, for pure time reasons. For example...my fiance will be here in about an hour, and it's been REALLY hot lately. I don't want to look and smell the way I do now when he gets here, so I'll be getting off here soon. But I will be reposting stuff from my other blog on here....especially cuz one of them is about a show that I actually found available for free streaming on this particular blog site...the whole reason I went to join today and found I had another one.
Oh, and Ramon's real name was Albert. If you see any posts regarding Albert, that's who it was.
And just for reference, not that their names will necessarily come up again, because I don't live down there anymore, but Dean was Chad, Amy was Eva, Calvin (I think) was Rocky, Wayne was Shane, Monty was Kenny, Serena was Ashley, Candy was Courtney, and Mitch was Eddie. I know I ended up not writing a whole lot before, but there it all is, in case anyone was wondering. oh, and part of the reason I stopped before was a lot of BS started and my life fell apart, came back together in a better way, and 8 months later fell apart again. I'm still rebuilding, so we'll see what comes next. The next few posts will probably be some reblogging from Tumblr just to get caught up on here.
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