Absenteeism

Omg, I haven't been on here in over a week and I feel like I've fallen off the face of the planet! lol :P

First I had vacation, and now my work schedule is jam packed, so it means a little less time to be on here. This last week pretty much meant working, spending time with my kid, and attempting to have the measliest little life (going out with Joey now and then). But, I finally have a day off, which means I will be catching up on the blogs I like most (especially Bitchy Waiter), and if the mood should strike, you will find some writing in the midst.

I apologize for any missed reblogging and/or replying that may have been worth it, but time just simply wasn't my friend this last week. Now, as it is only 6am, I will be trying to find time to sleep while my baby girl gets in her morning nap (hopefully...)

Thoughts Along The Road

Today we drove down from Ohio to North Carolina. As anyone keeping up with my blog knows, my daughter is in Greensboro visiting her father and I am on a vacation that will end with picking my daughter up and heading home. I have pictures on my phone that I will be posting later with my comments attached. For now, I will leave you with my thoughts regarding things I heard and/or saw along the road.

1. We stopped at a rest stop to get some food and go to the bathroom (not necessarily in that order) and I heard something interesting in the stall next to me. There was a lady (from here on out, referred to as Rest Stop Toilet Lady) talking on her cell phone while going to the bathroom. Yes, I realize that this is kind of weird and not necessarily sanitary, but that is what she was doing. She was quite loud and the bathroom echoed, so I could not help but hear her half of the conversation. Among many things she talked about, she eluded to the fact that she did not like public restrooms, especially one that didn't have the little paper covers to put on the seat. (this one did not) During this conversation, she said something that I could not help but laugh at: "They need to make a car with its own toilet".

Hey, Rest Stop Toilet Lady, you are in luck! There is a brand spankin' new invention that just hit the market. It's called an RV. And not only did they give it a toilet of its very own to have and to hold (during drunken nights when one should not be driving), but they also included a sink and a shower in the bathroom area. Ooh! AND they took it a step further...rather than listen to requests later on for improvements, they added a bed, and a microwave, and a whole kitchen area, and even a table to eat at! OMG, I cannot believe that no one in the history of the world has EVER thought of this before or thought to advertise it when they did!!! What could they have been thinking?!

For future reference, my dear Rest Stop Toilet Lady, the RV as we know it today was established in the United States in the 1920's. Also, before that it was in Canada in 1910. And before THAT there were covered wagons that served the function of people living in them (commonly known as caravans) in Europe and England in the early 1800's. While I don't expect you to know the facts about the 1920's or the covered wagons (especially since I found the info on wikipedia), I do think you should at least be aware that the big bus-looking things that can occasionally be found on the road, are in fact, NOT BUSES! They are RV's, and they do in fact have their own toilet. And yes, they are available for your purchase if you are THAT worried about it.

2. This one is a much smaller thought. Really, more of an amusing thing my mom said. I was taking pictures and using the zoom on my phone. It makes a sound like a small engine, such as in a moped or something... She looked at me and asked me, "Does your phone know it's driving?"

This worries me though...I thought SHE was driving... If she thinks the phone is driving, and the phone thinks she is driving....then who is steering this ship?

3. This next one would be in the picture commentaries later, but a semi truck got in the way as I took the picture. Seeing as all the pictures were taken while I was in a moving vehicle, I did not have the option to retry snapping the photo.

We were in West Virginia, passing through Charlotte, and I noticed a sign that I could not just leave alone. It said: "Where's your West Virginia?"

Umm....where's YOUR West Virginia??? Because I thought I was IN my West Virginia...Did the map get it wrong? Am I supposed to be elsewhere??

I dunno about you, but I find it a big redundant to have a sign that asks me where West Virginia is...IN the state of West Virginia....roflcopter droppin' roflwaffles

4. As we passed through one of the mountain tunnels and came out in Virginia on the other end, I noticed a sign "Check Lights". Hmm...let me check...yep, still got 'em.

5. There were many a funny road and/or town, and just signs in general along the way that provided me with amusement. Several of these you will see later when I post pictures, but there were a couple that I did not manage to get pictures of. One of these was Fish Hatchery Rd.

I must know, where on this road exactly is the Fish Hatchery? Can I go there? How much does it cost to get to hatch a fish egg? Now, do I bring my own fish egg, or do I get to pick one out? Do I get to sit on it and watch it hatch?? huh, huh, do I do I do I????

6. While driving down the road, I saw a truck that said "Bowman Gin".

I don't know about you, but I don't quite feel comfortable with a guy that is operating a bow and arrow drinking gin... I simply feel that maybe if you are drinking and operating lethal equipment...that this might be an unsafe combination...

7. "Burn Headlights"
I'm sure that this means something else, but here's my reaction to this sign: "But if I burn them, they will no longer be useful."

8. And finally (for now), we passed a billboard that I would just be at serious fault for not mentioning. It was an advertisement for a convenience store. It read: Fresh Snacks, Cold Drinks, Good Neighbors.

Are neighbors now being advertised as refreshments?

More later, which will include pictures, and possibly some things from the ride back as well. I hope you enjoyed these little thoughts as much as we did, dear followers.

(And I promise that a full review of the movie Eclipse will follow eventually, but as I am on vacation, it might not be until NEXT weekend)

school and stuff

Yesterday I had a financial aid meeting at the Akron Institute. I have been planning on attending an 18 month program to get my Associate of Applied Sciences with special training in Dental Assisting. I could only get an appointment at 5pm, because my mom had to be with me. Apparently, even though I have a 4 month old daughter, she and I are considered dependents of my mother because we live with her. (regardless of the fact that I still am responsible for our food/formula, diapers, wipes, medical, etc) As it was, my mom ended up leaving work 20 minutes later than originally intended and I was going to be late for my appointment. I know, I know, reschedule right? NO. I tried to get this all done back in April, but there was no way it was going to work out that soon after having the baby, so the financial advisor had told me to wait until July and call back. (which I was doing) I received an email, as well as a phone call, that my application was going to be cancelled due to my inability to come in for a financial planning meeting. I was shocked. I got in touch with them and scheduled a meeting for Tuesday, June 29. The very next day I received an email saying that my application had officially been cancelled because I hadn't gotten back to them. I called, ranted, got it fixed, and waited for Tuesday to arrive.

I got lucky at work that day. I got there at 7am, and found out that both the store manager AND the assistant store manager had the day completely off. That meant that the shift managers (my level of management) were running the store by themselves. Yay!! No bitching, no berating, just us and our crew. Happy day! I ended up going home early, unfortunately. But that's what you get when you're the newer manager, make more than crew, and labor percentages are way too high. So off I went. I went home and changed, then was gone again. I went to the bank to withdraw some money, bought the tickets for the midnight showing of Eclipse (which was absolutely friggin amazing by the way...more blogging on that next), and waited for mom to get home.

At 4:45, I started freaking out. Mom was not home yet and I hadn't heard from her since 2:00. Luckily, she called me just then and I found out that she had gotten stuck doing something at work and it didn't allow her to be out in time. So, here I am, freaking out because I'm worried that the school is going to cancel my application and I'm going to have to wait ANOTHER 6 months to go to school. This is enough to make me cry, seeing as I had already had to wait 6 months to begin with. Anyways, I called the school and let them know I was "on my way" and I would be late. They marked me down as 15 minutes late, even though I knew it could be later. Mom got here, I headed out the door and we hauled ass. I gotta say, I love my mom :) She knew this was important and made sure I got there.

So here we are, at the school, in the financial aid office. I gave her our information, let her know about my particular situation, and waited for the numbers to be shown. Yep, I sat and waited as she told me the piddly amount that I qualify for on the pell, and oh yeah, I DON'T qualify for ANYTHING ELSE at THAT school because they only offer loans and the pell grant. And because my mom DID get approved on her credit, then they could only offer me a lot less than they normally would in loans. She would have to get parent plus loans that would have to start being repaid in 60 days. I kept telling her that there was NO WAY we could possibly do that (I had to have told her like 3 or 4 times) and each time, she would just look at my mom and say "well take some time to think about it and get back to me". As if my mom was the one who was going to have the say so about what happened anyway! phaw! (as my sister would say) I finally got fed up and blurted out that it didn't make any sense that I qualified for $35,000 out of high school to go to Albright, but only a couple thousand now. She THEN proceeded to explain to me that it was a different case for regular colleges. Apparently, tech schools have less financial aid available to them. This particular school only has the pell grant and loans. She said even Stark State (which also has the same exact program) had more to offer. THEN she said the magic words, which both eased my mind and pissed me off at the same time: "If you went to the University of Akron right now, you'd go for free". Well then, what the HELL was I doing in that office in the first place? Why couldn't you have told me this 6 FUCKING MONTHS AGO when I first started asking about school?!?!?! I wouldn't have wasted my time. Plus, I would've already been in summer classes for the general education classes! 6 months of my time absolutely completely totally WASTED by this greedy tech school that didn't inform me properly in the first place!

So, we walked out of the office, and my mom let me vent (adding in a bit of a rant about it herself) and I'm now starting the process to go to the University of Akron. I looked through the majors, and while Theatre is still a passion of mine, I picked out a major that I liked that I would also be able to turn around and make money at all the time. I picked out the Geology/Earth Science field. It includes some travel, which is fine, because I can arrange Donnie's visitations to be during the times that I have to be gone. Besides, that won't happen until after my sophomore year anyways. I submitted the application online today, went to my high school and turned in the paper to have my transcripts sent to the college, and made out the check for the application fee. Now all I have to do is mail the payment, or wait until next week when we get back from picking up Mackenzie and go down to the school to talk to the admissions department and give it to them then. I already left the message for the admissions lady at the local campus.

I can't tell you how relieved I am that this is all going to go in my favor now, but OH MY GOD! To think I could already have been in school and could've had some classes out of the way already...it's just crazy! I can't believe they were so greedy! I told them back in the spring that the ONLY way I'd be able to go to their school is if I got enough in financial aid and my OWN loans to go because my mom couldn't help AT ALL. So either they are greedy motherfuckers or just plain fucking ignorant! (yes, that's ig-nor-ant, 3 syllables, for those of you in the loop) roflmao :P

This One Time...At Band Camp...

Today’s blog was originally going to be about my day and basically how much I hate my job and why, because I feel it is necessary for people to understand that this is MCDONALD’S and nothing to do with it can be the end of the world, so please, let’s stop the madness and the drama… But instead, that is all I will say about that today. As I was beginning today’s blog, my sister came in, and I felt compelled (as short and dumb as the story is) to relay her story onto you, and maybe it will brighten your day just a little, as it did mine.

so my sister and her friend corina and some other girls were at band camp (yes, band camp. My sister is a band rat (or geek, depending on what your school calls/called them) playing kemps (whatever the hell THAT is), and they got a phone and put in area codes randomly trying to find a real one (you see, our phones tell you know what state an area code goes to when you type it in) and then pushed random numbers after it until they found one that worked. Well, they called it and left this stupid message in valley girl voices “hey there, I like your hair, who does your hair? I wanna go there, pshaw! blondes (blondesblondesblondes…) brunettes (brunettesbrunettesbrunettes…) redheads (redheadsredheadredheads…) more like dreadheads, omigod!”

Apparently this is also some sort of song off youtube, which my sister is totally and completely addicted to. Mom would kill her if she knew that she prank called someone like that. Somehow though, I am slightly disappointed. I laughed my butt when she came in and started a story, “hey brit, this one day…at band camp…” I looked at her and said “really?! this one time…at band camp…? THAT’S how you want to start this story????” Unfortunately, it was not as juicy as I had thought it would be, although the drama she told me about a couple days ago, was EXACTLY the kind of thing I would expect from a band camp story. Then again, maybe since my little sister is only 13, then it is a good thing that her band camp stories have not yet turned into the epic band camp tales of legend yet… one word: roflmao :P (du DUU dududu) ;) also from youtube. Bonus points, by the way, if you already know the video and can sing it on your own lol. I love it. It always makes me smile :)

crappy day

My daughter Mackenzie just left with her father and her Mawmaw today. We were going to let them see her when we’re in North Carolina next week, but they’d been begging for us to let them have her a few extra days.

Originally they wanted to bring her home after, but I didn’t like that idea. It scares me to death to think of sitting at home WAITING on them to bring her back. Of course, all the what if’s were in my head. I was getting seriously paranoid and every time I thought about it, I would start to have a panic attack. Then I found something from the health department that said I was supposed to get her the next set of immunizations on the 7th. Yay! I finally had an excuse to not have her spend time away without me in the same state. But they were practically BEGGING me, so I talked to mom about it, and she suggested that if I felt up to it, I could have them pick her up this weekend, because she would still have the same number of extra days, but I would be the one getting her back. This way I don’t sit around waiting. I’m a little more comfortable with that.

But just because it’s easier than the alternative, doesn’t mean I like it any better. I’ve cried a lot. And it didn’t help that I didn’t have a great day at work. My boss was being so horrible to me. If I make a decision, then it’s wrong, and I get corrected. If I make a different decision on the same issue the next time (the way she told me the first time), then I’m supposed to do it the way I tried originally. Then the NEXT time, neither way is right, but I’m supposed to know…and now she won’t even tell me WHAT she wants. “I pay you to make these decisions” she says. But how the hell am I supposed to make a decision if EVERY decision I make is WRONG no matter WHAT it is?!?!

As it was, I went to bed thinking I was supposed to be at work at 8. My mom woke me up, telling me she thought I was supposed to be at work at 6. ) This was at 5:45 (by myself, just barely do-able, but not when you have a 3 month old baby to get ready and drop off), so I had to call work and tell them I would be late. (And I started wheezing today, but couldn’t find my inhaler, so all day I’m trying to stay calm so I don’t have an attack… anyways, so I got there 15 minutes late, which meant I couldn’t get my pre-shift checklist done. And of course, this chick Kelly (that I went to school with) was on counter again, and she never listens. So of course, I always get in trouble for not managing correctly, when I can’t get the person I am in charge of to do her damn job correctly. I am going to have to start writing her up for it. And I’m not the only one that has a problem with her about this stuff. Even Connie, (my boss) the store manager, has trouble getting her to listen. And speaking about work…

Look, I get the fact that I am almost like a new employee, as it HAS been 5 years since the last time I worked there. But this does not mean you have to tell me something 10 million times. For example, I KNOW that the stupid sweet tea gets a styrofoam cup, and the UNsweet gets a regular cup. However, if a customer requests a certain type of cup, I am not going to deny that request. “I’m sorry, but that’s not the kind of cup I serve that in, so I won’t be able to assist you with your request today”. Yeah, I’d LOVE to see how THAT would go over with a customer….roflmao :P So, if you see me preparing an unsweet tea in a foam cup, and you’ve already informed me once about the type of cup it normally goes in, please assume that MAYBE I’m not totally RETARDED and that MAYBE I could be assisting a customer to make their day just a little better by not having their drink sweat all over them.

So at the end of my shift, I got a call from my friend Arland (who was babysitting Mackenzie) to let me know that his seat belts were messing up and therefore he could not come pick me up and take me and the baby home, due to being unable to safely get the carseat into the car. So I had to walk in the incredible heat to his house. Although, I did catch a bit of break there. Another manager I work with was driving home and saw me walking and picked me up.

So, there it is. A very VERY condensed recollection of my day so far. And that’s not even everything, just the stuff that has gotten to me the most.

Taking Suggestions

http://www.playlist.com/playlist/20149611787?invite=NTIzNzAwMTM6MjAxNDk2MTE3ODc=

follow this link to my “taking suggestions” playlist. Right now it’s blank, but I’m trying to get people to add stuff to the list, so it will most likely be THE most diverse of all my playlists. This way, you can add stuff you like or want me to listen to, and it’ll already be on the list for me to hear. Then I can give feedback.

Playlist...any suggestions?

My sister turned me onto this great site. It’s playlist.com, and I’ve got 3 playlists and counting now. I’ve got my main playlist, which is just whatever I feel like putting on it, except country, because I just don’t feel it fits AT ALL. So, I’ll put together a separate country list later. These two lists (the main one and the country one) will have many many songs on them, and I’ll just set them on shuffle when I listen to them. I also have a couple shorter ones, and will have more to listen to depending on the musical mood I’m in. So far, I have a Rockapella list and a Reel Big Fish list. I’m also planning on making one for the 90’s (or maybe for an “up until high school graduation” kind of list. It just depends on how they fit together. And, of course, I’ll totally have to have a Broadway list as well. I don’t know yet how much I’ll actually be able to get on that though, because I’m not sure how much they have on the site yet.

So far, in my main playlist, I’ve got a whole variety of songs. From shows like Glee and Instant Star, to artists such as Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus (only a couple for her). From Relient K and Deep Blue Something to Breaking Benjamin and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I really do like music from all sorts of genres and am trying to get together a playlist I can just leave playing when I’m working on the computer. The other lists are for when I’m in a specific mood, but feel free to make suggestions if you think there is something I should hear, regardless of the genre. I’ll let you know if I already have it, and give feedback if I haven’t (after I listen to it).

If you want to access my playlists, you can go to playlist.com and my username is faeriecorpse1987 (based on a screen name a friend gave me a long time ago from a “goth name” generator)

And yes, I know that you may make fun of me for some of the selections, but with the wide range of music I like, I expect and accept that. :P Check it as often as you like, because I’ll be adding any time I have time to.

A Work in Progress

A close friend of mine asked around about a "movie bucket list" (not to be confused with THE movie bucket list...lol). She wanted people to give her their list of movies they believed should be see before you die. I, sadly, (and shamefully) despite my wide WIDE range of movie knowledge, have yet to respond to this request. The fact is, you see, that I have watched quite a number of movies and am having trouble deciphering the good from the great, the great from the extraordinary, and the extraordinary from the epic. I may be overthinking it of course, and then I have to wonder if I should be going based on any sort of scale? As it is, I am working on this list, and have decided that different movies are great for different reasons. Therefore, I will be presenting my list, in many pieces (as I think of them), and will hopefully end up posting an updated full list eventually as well. And these will be in no certain order (except the very first, which is my all time favorite movie and should be watched first and foremost) and you may find that some are very very different. Some may be academy award winning quality, and some may just hold a very dear place in my heart.

Without further ado, I present the first few on my list:

1. The Crow (the original with Brandon Lee, not the disappointing sequels that followed, for the original is great. And by great, I mean totally utterly completely EPIC and cannot be outdone.)
2. Practical Magic (starring Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock)

3. The Labrynth (with David Bowie)

4. Hachi (I hope I spelled it correctly, lol. This is a movie about a dog that is loyal even after the death of his owner. I cried just watching the preview. It's inspired by a real dog from the 20's)

Okay, that's it for now. I'm tired and I have to work tomorrow, so this will continue as I come across them. And if you should choose to watch them, thanks for taking my advice, and enjoy!

no time

oh my god, I have been working like crazy! Every day has been work work work, come home, take care of baby, sleep, get up and start the day over! There is absolutely no time at all for anything. And I brought the crib home yesterday, but I have a lot to clean and rearrange in the room before I can actually set it up. But I just don't seem to have the time to do it all.

For example, I only have today and tomorrow off and then I have to start working all over again. I had to call WIC, Job&Family Services, AND the Akron Institute today. I also had a to do list that included going to the bank, the post office, work (to get my paycheck), the store in Montrose to get my evaluation completed (which turned out to be where I needed to be for my paycheck *roll eyes here), wash the baby's bottles, get laundry done, calling babysitters to schedule interviews for tomorrow (which then gets tacked on to the list for tomorrow), cleaning/rearranging the room so I can set up the crib, ACTUALLY setting up the crib, and taking care of Mackenzie during the entirety of the list. Then you can add on babysitting my friend's kid Lucratcia on top of EVERYTHING ELSE because they needed a sitter. I had them drop her off here so I could do stuff while I sat, but then I forgot that babysitting Luca IS a full time thing in and of itself.

In short, I got almost absolutely nothing done. I did manage to do all the traveling items today, so yay there.... (although I shouldn't have needed to go to the post office. For some reason they sent me the same notice both in regular AND certified mail) And I managed to get 5 sitters lined up for interviews tomorrow. Of course, the ones I liked the most from their messages weren't applicable because they watch out of their homes and don't live locally. Other than that though, nothing. No actual work. Oh, and one MORE I just remembered and had forgotten to put on the list...I need to vacuum the downstairs, AND sweep & mom the kitchen floor, which I was supposed to do on Monday like I had offered (and couldn't do THEN because McDonald's called me in last second in the morning) so you can tack that onto the list too.

So now, all the physical laboring items of the list need to be completed tomorrow and all the while I have my darling little girl to be looking after also. Boy oh boy, can't you feel the joy radiating off of me??? blah! :(

Oh yeah, and don't forget that I also have to have all of this done in time for my first interviewee to arrive at 6:00pm....

Oh.....the....joy....

my blog problem lol

see, this is the problem I always end up running into when I start a blog. I get going on it pretty well for awhile, but then I end up getting busy or not having anything I feel worth talking about….and then it starts to feel like it’s been too long…ugh.

Anyways, I just started a new job. I’m working at Mcdonald’s again. The same exact store I worked in during high school…ugh. I always swore I wouldn’t return at all…and then switched that thinking to “unless I’m a manager”, which I just happen to be now. That’s nice and all, but it means I’m away from my baby girl a lot. Yesterday I had to work at 4am. This meant that I slept over at joey’s while my mom took care of her. Then I was so tired that I took care of her for part of the day, but spent a super long time sleeping. I went from being totally completely bored all day except when she was awake, to not getting a single free moment to myself, unless I’m sleeping of course. But even then, I might get woken up regularly by the baby. speaking of which, I have to work at 8 am tomorrow, so I’m getting off of here. I will try to write more later, but you’ll have to bear with me. I need to have time to be online now…roflmao :P

coming home

We visit ed Fran’s today. I received a whole bin of stuff for the baby. Once again, all the clothes were WAY too big. Granted, she’ll grow into the stuff, I just wonder if she’ll even get a chance to wear all the 6-9mo clothing she’s gotten lately. I swear, the only two people that listened when my mom said what size I needed for her, were Elaine and Lisa. Everybody else got the baby stuff she won’t wear for months! I don’t mean to sound ungracious or ungrateful, because I truly do appreciate it. It just seems rather silly when you think about it. Some of the stuff Fran gave me were 18mo and 24mo sizes….lol. Those will be hanging up in her closet for QUITE A WHILE!

After Fran’s, we headed back to Grammie’s and packed up what we could. We finally brought home the carseat that Joe and Elaine gave us, so now I have one to put in Joey’s car whenever it is actually clean again roflmao! Then we headed to Texas Roadhouse and ate dinner with one of mom’s old high school buddies. He is a tattoo artist, that works for himself, and seems really cool. I think Joey would get along with him too.

Not much else to say about today. Mackenzie was a bottomless pit all day and she did not like her carseat at the restaurant. She wanted to be in my lap watching the goings on in the place. Oh, and I had to change her diaper while we were there, but that is because I have learned that surprisingly enough, Huggies SUCK! More ranting on that particular subject to come later

Carnival

I haven't had a chance to be on in a couple of days, because we are in Michigan this weekend. My mom had a high school get together to go to so we came up, spent some time with Grammie, and then went to the gathering. Turned out that the gathering was a beer tent at an annual carnival that none of us knew about. So here we are, at a carnival, with no cash, and having to find parking a couple blocks away because the only available parking close to the carnival cost $3 to use.

Believe it or not, it wasn't bad. Granted we couldn't go on any rides, but Dawn's (one of mom's old high school friends) husband was super nice and gave me and Briana some money so we could get something to eat. We were in awe that there was a big sign for deep fried oreos, and were totally going to get some, but once we got to the cart, we saw they had fried EVERYTHING! Deep fried oreos, deep fried oatmeal pies (those little debbie oatmeal sandwich cookie things), deep fried milky way, deep fried snickers, and elephant ears. We ended up deciding on a deep fried snickers bar. This thing is probably one of the BEST desserts I've ever tasted! They take a snickers bar, put it on a stick, coat it like a corn dog, but with the pastry batter for elephant ears and funnel cakes, and then deep fry it. When it comes out, they put it in a carton, drizzle chocolate sauce on it and shake powdered sugar on top. Then they stick a fork in it and hand it over. Oh my goodness, this thing was SOOO good! Not only was the chocolate from the bar melted, but the nougat had melted too, so that it was almost like a nougat custard with the caramel and chocolate and peanuts. You HAVE to eat the thing with the fork, or it would get everywhere.We also got a large cup of that carnival freshly made lemonade, in a big plastic cup that we got to keep. And I almost decided to get a bucket of chili cheese fries. I held off though, like a good girl... and had a small garden salad and cottage cheese with peaches when we got back to Grammie's.

Mom hung out with her old high school buddies, and we (Briana, the baby, and I) walked around the carnival a few times. There were a bunch of rides, two of which caught our attention especially. They were a spaceship, and a hang gliding ride. They also had a mechanical bull, and a rock climbing wall. Oh! and the best thing of all was this one attraction: GIANT HAMSTER BALLS! You know those plastic balls you buy for hamsters or guinea pigs or whatever to be able to run around the house in?? They had giant human sized ones floating on water! It looked so awesome!!!! I so wish I could have tried it out! :P

I did get to try my hand at ski-ball. I wouldn't have even spent the money, but if you scored 180 or more then you could have your choice of prize. I REALLY wanted to try to win the brian banana. If you are familiar with the show Family Guy, then you understand. The dog (brian) is in a banana costume. It's known for him dancing to "peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanutbutterjelly peanutbutterjelly, peanutbutterjellywithabaseballbat" lol. Well they had this in a stuffed version and I wanted it, but sadly, I couldn't score past 100. I am pretty confident that I would have gotten it after a max of 10 times, but that would've been $10 and I didn't want to do that and frankly I couldn't afford it.

Anyways, overall we had a good time, and now we're hanging out and probably going to bed soon and we'll be heading out to go back to Ohio in the morning.

This one just makes me think of Albert. He was my best friend for 3 years, and my boyfriend for 2 of them. We lived together, he even called my mom to tell her he had put a down payment on the ring I wanted and was going to ask me to marry him as soon as it was paid off. Then his best friend left his wife, to get with the woman he’d previously had an affair with, all the while playing his wife on the side. Next thing I know, Albert’s having an affair with this chick’s son’s friend. Albert was 26, I was 21. He ended up leaving me for an 18 year old that then turned around and told him that she was pregnant with some other dude’s kid, and that she’d known for 2 weeks, but didn’t want to tell him cuz she was afraid it would scare him off and he wouldn’t have chosen her. He then tries to test the waters as if he were thinking about taking me back, but I had already started to date Donnie (who is now the father of my child, which is an entire other story). So Albert starts to get pissed about the Donnie factor, all the while our roomies are telling him he’s got no right to be pissed, and we’re trying to be friends cuz there are very few ex’s that I have not remained at least “on good terms” acquaintances with. He then proceeds to back out every time he promises me something, whether it’s a ride, use of OUR car, or even me keeping the big room and him taking the small one, every time threatening to leave the house and leave me with a rent that I wouldn’t be able to afford if I didn’t go along with what he said. As it was, I left, went back to my Grandma’s which I didn’t want to do, and he still owed me money which I never got. A couple months later I get a call from an old roommate trying to get in contact with Albert cuz he didn’t pay his last month’s rent when he left. Just up and moved out while they were at work and left them in a bind. He also lied about me and spread rumors about Donnie. Then HE deletes and blocks ME on myspace! And tries to tell me that I brought all this on MYSELF for the way I treated him after we broke up! And had the nerve to tell me the day I moved out that I was giving up on us being friends. He wasn’t exactly acting like much of a friend. I can’t believe that the one relationship that I did EVERYTHING right in went so horribly wrong. I don’t understand how the Albert Luna I used to know died and the one that lives and breathes now exists… It will forever boggle my mind

And this one I posted on Tumblr a couple nights before I got the call about the visit, I believe...

So I started to feel sad sometime after Joey and I hung up. And it started to gradually get worse. The thing is, when I’m with Joey, I am content, and I don’t think about Donnie or the heartbreak I’ve endured. But it seems the longer I am away from him, the more I start to think about Donnie and the more I hurt again. When I first started dating Joey, I chalked it up to the fact that it hadn’t been all that long since Donnie and I broke up, plus I was pregnant, so there’s the hormones as well. And as time has gone by, it takes a longer and longer set of time away from Joey before it happens again, but it seems 3-4 days is about my limit at the moment. I’m sure eventually this will extend enough that I will finally be over Donnie 100%, but I haven’t quite reached it.

You see, Donnie was the love of my life. I started dating him after the drama with Albert, and he was wonderful. We had a ton of stuff in common, plus he was sweet and spontaneous. And even though I wanted to take things slow, he was so persistent that I couldn’t help but to be won over. I have never loved anyone so much, or been so happy in my life, as I was with Donnie. Sure, we did have our issues, but it mostly stemmed around his parents. His father tried to control everyone’s life around him, and that went doubly for his oldest son. And of course, he could never stand up to his parents to defend me unless it was an argument he was having with them too. Basically, his parents’ opinion was this: if they were in an argument with him, then he was wrong and they were right, but if he were in an argument with me then I was wrong and he was right. The underlying theme being he was always right unless it was in conflict with them. But even through that, I fully believed he wanted to be with me. He proposed, we planned a wedding…and one month before, he finally tells me, through several drunken weekends and many sober next-morning talks, that he is GAY! This broke my heart completely. As it was, it took some time to accept that. It was a month before the wedding that we decided to break it off, but I’d been dealing with him saying it while he was drunk and denying it while he was sober for about a month before that. And to be pregnant when I found that out probably didn’t help matters much. He felt SOOO guilty and we both cried our eyes out the day I left and for days after. He used to call me everyday. We were best friends and I was the only one there to help him against his father who refused to have a gay son.

With me gone and his father giving him a hard time…he tried to date a guy, but he was too heartbroken and then his father wouldn’t ease up, causing home to be like WWIII for him, and the next thing ya know, he’s dating some chick again, and spontaneously marries her…which by the way, broke my heart all over again. You see, when OUR wedding date had come along, I was a depressed wreck. All I wanted to do was get drunk so I could stop feeling for awhile…but I couldn’t. Being pregnant kinda stopped me from doing that. Hell, I even would’ve been happy to pick up smoking pot if I could have, just so I could feel good instead of dead inside. Again, being prego kinda puts a damper on such activities. So by the time he got married, I had finally begun to heal, and I was only crying occasionally, but usually I was fine. Then this marriage thing came about, which he then subsequently LIED to me about. And kept up that lie for a good month. This broke my heart all over again. It was like I was screaming inside. If he could make it work with a woman, then why not me????

I can’t believe how much he crushed me inside. And every time I think I might be okay again, I’m not. I’ll never be quite the romantic I was. All the silly dreams of my knight in shining armor were dashed forever and left my life right along with Donnie. Hell, I still have my wedding dress, cuz I still haven’t been strong enough to take it out to take pictures so I can sell it on Ebay or something.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Joey, and I’m glad that he’s taken up the role of Daddy for Mackenzie. I’m content with him and I forget all about Donnie when I am with him. But when he’s not around, it’s like that protection mojo goes right along with him, and I’m left with the pieces of my shattered heart. I’m okay most of the time, but somewhere inside, in this little locked room in the back of my head, I’m still broken.

first visit part 2

From the night they left or the day after, can't quite remember...

"Okay, so we had the first visit this weekend. Donnie, his wife Christen (ick!), his mother (Mama Dukes), and his nephews (Adrian and William) came up to see Mackenzie. Adrian had a grand old time playing with the rocking horse, the computer, watching movies, and playing soccer outside. William was a little fussy, but he’s the baby of their family, so it was kind of to be expected.

They got into town around 7:30pm (they didn’t leave until 10:00am from North Carolina) and came over around 8:30 or 9:00 Saturday evening. They brought over a ton of stuff for Mackenzie. There were socks and clothes from new 0-3 months clothes to hand me down 4T clothes, even a couple halloween costumes (of the ladybug and pumpkin variety). Also, a pack of LUVS diapers. I use Pampers, but I’m all for trying out the different brands. On Sunday they showed up with a new big bag of refills for the diaper wipes and another bag of diapers, but this time Huggies. So I can now get a feel for all 3 brands and decide what I like best. So far, I’ll use the LUVS they brought, but I think they feel kinda cheap, like really plasticky feeling.

Back to Saturday….

So they came over and visited for a couple of hours. Everything was fine I guess. I spent the majority of the time going through the things they gave me for her and putting them away. They held her, fed her, Donnie even changed her (although he can’t seem to figure out which side of the diaper is the front and which side is the back). Apparently this was a first for him, to change a diaper lol :P. Christen didn’t say anything to me at all, which is probably a good thing. I dunno if Donnie told her to keep her mouth shut so she didn’t say something to piss me off, or if she was just trying to prove to me that she wasn’t trying to be Mackenzie’s mom, or what. Either way, I was just peachy keen not having anything to do with her. The only time I even spoke to her was to have her take William from me so that I could show Donnie where my room was so we could go through all the stuff. If Mama Dukes hadn’t have been holding Mackenzie, I would’ve asked her instead. Hell, Christen didn’t even hardly look at me the whole night. But like I said, this was just fine by me. I don’t have any reason to try and like her and a million reasons not to. Adrian split his forehead open, due to losing his balance after spinning himself around a whole lot in the living room. Spin, fall, thunk, cry. Mom rushed upstairs with him to show them, and Donnie took him into our bathroom and fixed him up. The poor lil’ guy knocked it real good on the edge of a side table down there. He was fussy for awhile but got over it pretty quickly. They left around 10:15pm, and went back to the motel. Apparently Adrian didn’t understand the concept of a motel (this being his first time) and was asking them why they were staying there so long. :P

Sunday (yesterday) they came back over. They checked out of the motel at checkout time and went to the store, bought those Huggies and diaper wipes, and then came right over. I had Mackenzie in her new Ohio State Football t-shirt and a pair of pink pants (I didn’t have any color that better matched the red shirt) partly because I knew it would annoy the Carolina tarheel/panther fans, and partly cuz Joey had come over and he’s a huge Buckeye fan and had just bought her the shirt a couple days before. They were taking tons of pictures, both Saturday and Sunday. Christen tried to be a little more friendly/outgoing. I was nice but not too nice. I couldn’t quite make it clear that I knew what kind of person she was, cuz I’m not supposed to know, and I promised I wouldn’t let them know what I knew from my source or how I knew it. However, when I brought up the fact that I was sorry his sister-in-law couldn’t come and that she was hoping to come next time, Christen wouldn’t look at anyone and had NOTHING to say, even when Mama Dukes was talking about how Wes and Liz (Donnie’s brother and his sister-in-law) were going at it constantly and that the “crazy asian” fits (Liz when her temper flares) hadn’t stopped in 3 months, which is weird…. OF COURSE she didn’t want to look at anyone or say anything! Even Donnie kept quiet during that part, which is really weird, he usually has something to say about Liz being “crazy asian”. I don’t know how I’d get over my husband sleeping with my brother-in-law’s wife for 3 months either!!! Of course they’re still fighting! Wes is damn lucky Liz didn’t leave his ass and take William with her! She even ended up quitting her job, I found out. That’s what happens when you are depressed and feel like you have to keep an eye on your husband.

Anyways, everything went fine. I pulled Donnie aside and talked to him about July, when we’ll be down there, and he gets to have her overnight. I told him it was really important that there wasn’t any drugs (not even pot) around her, because if they were to get caught, even due to a rare occasion of someone getting pissed at him or christen and want to get them in trouble…then not only would they take Mackenzie away from HIM, but they might not give her back to ME either because of my having previous knowledge of his habits. I also told him that Christen had written about rollin’ on Aycock St on her myspace, and he insisted that they had not rolled at that house. So he said he would talk to her, but I dunno if I can trust him on that one because he had also said he wasn’t married when her myspace said they were… Anyways, he assured me that it was already planned that any time Mackenzie is in North Carolina, she’ll be staying with Mama Dukes and Pappy. And he told me that Mama Dukes had already eliminated all drug use and even cigarette smoking from the house. Everyone, including Pappy (THAT made me laugh) had to go outside to do ANYTHING! Apparently Pappy only agreed to it after rearranging the living room so that he can watch TV from the front door on the porch. I would have loved to be there for that conversation! Pappy never would have gone for anything like that when I would ask, so why Mama Dukes?? Probably because she cooks and cleans and he doesn’t know how! roflmao :P That man can’t survive without his wife. I know, I’ve seen it.

Donnie also wanted to ask for extended visitation. He said he wanted her for more than 2 days at a time. I replied, “baby steps”. I told him that we’ll start off with a few couple day visits, and that I need to trust him before he can have her for extended amounts of time. The fact is, he has to stop lying to me before I’ll be okay with him having her for any length of time. He says he doesn’t want to fight about it and put her through a court thing, and neither do I. But I need to trust that he’s not going to have drugs around and that he’s going to give her back when he’s supposed to. Other than that, he wanted to let me know that any time that I need something, other than the regular child support, that he will send it. If I need something for her all I have to do is tell him and his mama and they’ll get me money to get it. So, we should be good on that front.

After that, they visited a while longer, and eventually left. I’m pretty proud of myself. I managed to gather enough strength that even when he hugged me, I felt nothing. I even fooled myself into believing that I was 100% over him. The only time I felt anything at all, was this one time when he caught me watching him with Mackenzie and he grinned this happy grin that I haven’t seen in a long time, not even in his honeymoon pictures with Christen. The little happy grin that has always made my heart melt. But, I didn’t cry, not even a little. He was here, I was fine (although the hours leading up to it, I was a nervous wreck). He left, I was fine. We went to the grocery store, I was fine. We ate dinner, I was fine. I went to bed, I was fine. I woke up, I was fine. A couple hours later….not so fine. I could feel the wall I had put up for the weekend tear itself down and it was like it left me more vulnerable than I was before. I cried. I hadn’t seen him in so long, that his face was almost a distant memory. But now he’s been here, and I close my eyes and see him clearly. That’s hard. He’s still the guy that was the love of my life. I just see him for who he is a little better than I did before. And I no longer trust him completely and unconditionally like I did before. But I still had a good long cry while Mackenzie was taking her morning nap. I love him. I always will, but there comes a time when you have to give up on the fairy tales and accept reality for the way it is.

His mama did call me after they left while I was at the store though. She had talked to his grandparents (Mackenzie’s great-grandparents) and they are all pitching in and getting me the rest of the money for the forever crib I want. I have half of it already saved, but there’s still $300 left to pay on it, so they are going to give it to me. YAY! It was a nice way to end the visit. Now we have July to look forward to…. They did offer for us to attend the Clayton 4th, which we probably will, and then head up to Martinsville for the Minter (my dad’s mother’s side) 4th, seeing as one is in the afternoon and one is in the evening. Anyways, that’s it for now I guess…I have a doctor appointment today to get more asthma medication, and I’m waiting on the call from Target. If I don’t hear anything by noon, I’LL call THEM."

the first visit

This was from a week or so ago, but I think it's good background, especially for any posts about this particular group of people in the future...

"I got a call from Mama Dukes yesterday. (That’s Donnie’s mom, Mackenzie’s paternal Grandma) *I think that’s the right term for that side’s relation to her…*

They are coming up this weekend, which doesn’t give me much time to clean and prepare. I kinda always knew it would be relatively last minute when they let me know, but this whole time I thought it would be just Donnie and his mom…especially cuz I have it on good authority that there are issues between him and his wife…a woman that I don’t very much like although I’ve never met her.

I’ve done my research and found that she is not the woman Donnie led me to believe she was. “A good girl” One that doesn’t smoke, hardly drinks, doesn’t do drugs….when in fact, she herself wrote a comment to one of her friends on her own status that she was rollin’ one night. For those of you that don’t know, ROLLIN’ is a slang term used when talking about doing ecstasy. I learned this while I was with Donnie, because he and his family used to be into drugs when he was younger. I heard stories about “rollin’ parties” and whatnot. (apparently this chick isn’t too bright, cuz I’m on her friends list.) Any smart person would know not to incriminate yourself on a public site, especially not when the mother of your husband’s child is a friend on that site. But then again, if you pursue a guy after finding out that he’s gay and insist that you will change him, you can’t be too bright to begin with. Donnie is a pushover, so of course with his dad giving him hell about his sexuality and a hot girl that he gets along with really well pursuing him, OF COURSE he went for it! Hell, that’s pretty much how he and I got together in the first place! Except I didn’t know that he was gay! Anyways, this is not meant to be a rant about MY failed relationship, so moving back to HER. On top of this, this chick is a total slut. She wears slutty clothes all the time, and sleeps around. Hell, the night Donnie first got with her, she was messing around with some other chick, and then she sleeps around with guys too. I’m not all that surprised that she would have SOMEONE on the side, what with her husband being GAY and all, but she’s lying to him about it, until she gets caught. I could understand if they had an arrangement because of the whole gay issue, but to just go do it and lie is not right.There is more to that issue I’m sure, what with how nobody wants to tell me about it…and I guess technically it’s not any of my business…but you better believe that I don’t feel comfortable with that woman being around my child without supervision. SO….with all that said…moving on…

Mama Dukes, Donnie, HIS WIFE, and then Mackenzie’s cousins Will and Adrian (a baby and a youngin’) will be coming up to visit for the weekend. Thank GOD they are not staying with us. I keep my composure most of the time, but to have the two of them in front of me for the first time AND having to deal with them sleeping in my house?? NO! That would have been just too much!

So, now I have to get AT LEAST the upstairs perfectly clean. And at least try to get the downstairs presentable. There is just a lot of stuff that needs to be dealt with around here, and Mom just hasn’t had the time nor resources. After this summer, everything will be fine, cuz we’ll have a yard sale after Mom finishes going through everything. But, in the meantime, I’m going to need for our small place to be big enough for everyone to be in to visit.

On the bright side, they are bringing stuff up for the baby….clothes, and whatnot. So that’ll be good. I still wonder what her reaction to Donnie will be though. As far as she knows, Joey is Daddy. He sees her all the time, he buys stuff, he goes by Daddy. Hell! He cut the cord, so it’s kinda his right. He didn’t have to be here, but he is. HE stuck by my side through the whole labor. HE took paternity leave to stay with me and the baby the first week. Donnie didn’t do that, even though we offered to take him back home, or get a flight for him to go back if he wanted to. Donnie wouldn’t even cut the cord, although the doctor offered it to him first. So now, Donnie will be in her face saying the word “Daddy” and she’s going to be looking for HER daddy Joey. She won’t know the man in front of her is her FATHER. But Father sounds so old fashioned and well…just OLD, to call him. Maybe just Dad…? I dunno. Joey and I decided that we’ll let her decide and when she’s old enough, if she asks why there are two dads, we’ll explain it. And we’ll explain why it’s okay to call both dads what she feels comfortable with and why it’s okay that she calls her step mom by HER actual name and not mommy when she has two daddy’s. After all, one of her dad’s is her actual dad and the other is the one that takes care of her, while one of her “mom”s is both her actual mom AND the one that takes care of her and the other is ONLY her step mom and has absolutely no important role in her life. I may not word it quite like that, but that’s the way I feel about it.

So now you have a little background into what’s going on at the moment. We’ll see how it goes, I’ll be sure to keep people posted on the situation."

funny pac man shit

http://www.theawl.com/2010/05/pac-man-at-30

new games

I saw the trailers last night for a couple new games: the next Crysis game and I think the other one was Brink…I was really tired at the time, so I’ll be checking them out again next time I’m over at Joey’s but I think we could have a winner in there somewhere lol.

Also, heard they’re making a sequel to portal. well…I read it in game informer but still… lol. considering the game wasn’t even a full length game, and sort of filler for the orange box, that’s freaking awesome! Joey got the robot as the voice for his gps. It tells you that at the end of your route there will be grief counseling and cake…also tells you that you fail at driving and to turn left when there is no left roflmao :P and finally, it tells you to assume the position and wait for them to come get you when you arrive.

Still wish I had gotten to play Bioshock 2…so getting that as soon as I get a job and car first roflmao. Also looking forward to the next Fallout, seeing as Fallout 3 is one of the most amazing games I have ever played.

Cookies

I got bored this evening. When I get bored, I do one of a couple of things, one of which is bake. I knew that I had a TON of peanut butter from all the damn peanut butter WIC gives me every month (God only knows how they expect one person to eat that much peanut butter in one month, but whatever) So anyways, I decided to make peanut butter cookies. I found a simple recipe, one egg one cup sugar one cup peanut butter, doubled it (so as to get rid of a whole container of peanut butter, and then proceeded with the making and baking. However, our oven is not in working order, therefore the only cooking appliance I had to work with (at least for baking) was the toaster oven. I always thought that cooking in the toaster oven meant cooking for less time seeing as it’s a smaller space…but the first batch came out too gooey, so I put it back in for the remainder of the recommended time on the recipe. Still, too gooey, but I managed to get 4 decent cookies out of it. The other two were a crumbled pile of cookie pieces. The second batch was burnt, because when I got up to take them out, the baby decided she just had to have a bottle right then. By the time I had it made and handed it over to my mom to feed her, the cookies were pretty much burnt. That batch had 2 decent cookies in it, and the rest, a crumbled mess in the container now holding all the cookies/crumbs. Finally I figured it out for the most part, but found that it was made easiest if I alternated between two pans for the toaster oven. This way, one batch was cooling while the next was beginning to cook. After a minute or two, I would move the cooling batch to the container, and wait for the next batch to be done. I had much better results with this. Either way the cookies are quite good, and very simple to make.

Sherlock

I saw the movie Sherlock Holmes today. I received it in the mail from Netflix. It’s definitely one of those movies you have to pay attention to. I’ll admit, I did for the first quarter to half of the movie, but as I was preparing and baking peanut butter cookies at the time and then my mom and sister came back and tended to talk through part of it, I was (to say the least) distracted. I will probably attempt to watch this movie again, especially as I happen to know that a friend of mine has a digital copy on his flash drive. However, I don’t have the highest hopes for it. What I did get of it, I found would move rather slowly and/or haphazardly, sort of at random, and would find a way to connect itself, but I expected quite a bit more from it after having seen the previews. I found myself disappointed, but am willing to put myself through it again to see if my opinion were to change based of the extent of my attention to detail. I am a huge movie watcher, I quote stuff all the time and used to own over 500 DVDs when I was with Albert. I will update my opinion on this if it changes the next time I watch it. Next, Alice, from the scyfy channel

Supernatural

One of my favorite shows is Supernatural. Unfortunately, I always have to forgo it during the airing season because Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice are on the same day/time frame. Being in a house of girls, the girly show takes precedence. Anyways, I didn’t know when it was coming back on this last year, and I had to wait for the DVD to come out for season 4 so that I could catch up, mainly because of everything that was going on with me and Albert and my moving around at that point last year… Anyways, the point is, it took me some doing, but I finally found the WHOLE season (not just the most recent episode) to watch online so I don’t have to wait for the DVD again. It isn’t the best quality pixel-wise, but it isn’t half bad. And it's right here on blogspot.

So far, I’m loving the show. Cas is getting funnier, especially the future episode, friggin’ hippie roflmao :P I called Bobby the demonic dispatcher after he got stuck in a wheel chair, and the humor in all the episodes so far has really gotten bumped up. Totally awesome, considering last season with all the angel stuff just starting and Dean coming back from hell and all, that had kinda gone down a few pegs. I’m only at episode 5 so far, but I’m loving every bit of it. Most likely, more review (and maybe more detailed…depends…) to come later.

Wow, totally didn't remember that I had a blog already on here. I had started a new one called Just Me, that I have since deleted upon realizing I have another. For the record, I used to change everybody's names in this blog because I wanted to be able to vent without people getting pissed off at me in the process. Since then, a lot has happened, and I don't quite feel that way anymore. Now I'm blunt, honest, straight forward, to the point....okay well that last one may not be quite true...I do tend to go off on tangents a bit. Anyways, I also have a blog on Tumblr, called Just Me, at darkfaeriecorpse.tumblr.com

You can catch up there, if you want. After tonight, everything will pretty much be the same on both, although there may be times I write on one and not the other, for pure time reasons. For example...my fiance will be here in about an hour, and it's been REALLY hot lately. I don't want to look and smell the way I do now when he gets here, so I'll be getting off here soon. But I will be reposting stuff from my other blog on here....especially cuz one of them is about a show that I actually found available for free streaming on this particular blog site...the whole reason I went to join today and found I had another one.

Oh, and Ramon's real name was Albert. If you see any posts regarding Albert, that's who it was.

And just for reference, not that their names will necessarily come up again, because I don't live down there anymore, but Dean was Chad, Amy was Eva, Calvin (I think) was Rocky, Wayne was Shane, Monty was Kenny, Serena was Ashley, Candy was Courtney, and Mitch was Eddie. I know I ended up not writing a whole lot before, but there it all is, in case anyone was wondering. oh, and part of the reason I stopped before was a lot of BS started and my life fell apart, came back together in a better way, and 8 months later fell apart again. I'm still rebuilding, so we'll see what comes next. The next few posts will probably be some reblogging from Tumblr just to get caught up on here.